Nothing Ventured
by ironia-vitae
Summary: Mr. Kitty x Pig Pig. Spying on bathing women doesn't hold much reward for a boy if he's gay. Unless, of course, he has a thing for the guy that dragged him into the situation in the first place.


A/N: So apparently I missed one of my ILH stories when I went and uploaded them in one fell swoop. Which is sad, because this is one of my more favorite Kitty x Pig Pig works. Hope it makes you smile as much as I did while writing it. Here you go, Kitty x Pig Pig fanbase: more stuff. :)

--

It was a night like any other night. The warm spring breeze rustled the privacy hedge, and silence prevailed, except for loud whispers and rustling from inside the bushes.

"Can you see?"

"Shh!"

"Is she there?"

"Shut up!"

"I can't—"

"Jesus, can you stop talking for one second?!"

"Sorry…"

Mr. Kitty stopped dead.

"Fuck."

"What?"

"Fuck!"

"What??"

Mr. Kitty grabbed Pig Pig's hand and tore out of their hiding place and around the neighboring house, barely out of sight from the bathroom window as towel-clad Nips surveyed the lawn suspiciously. The boys struggled to both catch their breaths and still keep as quiet as possible.

"Why are we doing this, again…?"

Mr. Kitty looked at him blandly. "You have to ask?"

"We're gonna be murdered if she finds us out."

The blond shrugged, standing to peek around the corner. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." As he scanned the area, Pig Pig let out an exasperated sigh.

"I don't even like girls…" Mr. Kitty looked at him over his shoulder.

"So, what, you're saying you're gay?"

Pig Pig fiddled with his fingers in his lap. "Maybe…" he said sing-song in an attempt to sound mysterious. Mr. Kitty returned to watching the bathroom window as it shut.

"What about that girl, Vincent?"

"I was undead, Kitty. You can't hold a guy responsible for what he does when he's undead."

"Don't you mean drunk?" Pig Pig paid him no mind, scratching the toe of this sneaker into the dirt.

"Like in _White Zombie_, you know? They were all brainwashed and shit."

"So now crappy zombie movies from the 40s are law."

Pig Pig was silent for a moment. "Up yers."

Mr. Kitty sighed. "_Please_ don't say that right now."

"Why?" Kitty stared at him, watching as the light came on. "Oh… OH!" His cheeks turned red. "Sorry…" Mr. Kitty turned his back to Pig Pig again.

"… I knew."

"You what?"

"I knew. Well, I had my suspicions anyway. The only girls you ever showed any interest in looked like men."

"Did not!"

"Why are you arguing with me?"

Pig Pig thought, falling silent. "It's not nice to say girls look like men."

"So sue me."

"…I will."

Mr. Kitty laughed. "What the hell, Pig Pig?"

"What!"

He scoffed at the nonsense of it all. "There's no case, anyway! You'd be wasting your time."

"Says you."

"Betcha couldn't even get a lawyer."

"Could so!"

"Could not."

"Could so!"

"No good lawyer'd work for a stupid, gay man!"

"Yu-huh! And I'm not gay!"

"You just said you were!"

"I said I was gay, _maybe_."

"Same thing."

"Is not."

Mr, Kitty turned around, crossing his arms and grinning suspiciously at Pig Pig. "So let's find out, once and for all."

Pig Pig looked up at him timidly. "W-what do you mean?"

"Let's find out if you're 'gay yes', or 'gay no'. 'Gay maybe' won't get you anywhere."

"I-I don't know about this…"

"Come on, dude. I'm doing this for your own good. Get up." Mr. Kitty kicked at Pig Pig's leg and he stood up, swaying on his feet uncertainly.

"Ok, so… how do we…"

"I dunno- kiss me or something."

"F-for real??"

"Or do you not have the balls to kiss another guy?" The gauntlet was thrown. _Dammit._

Pig Pig scratched his elbow, a nervous habit of his, while mentally preparing himself for what he was about to do. Mr. Kitty's voice barely registered in his mind.

"You've never kissed _anyone_ before, have y--" He was cut off by Pig Pig's lips on his own. His eyes widened in shock of two things: one, that Pig Pig really _did_ have the balls to kiss a guy; and two, that Pig Pig kissing him (_Pig Pig_, of all people!) actually felt good. He half-consciously responded to the kiss as Pig Pig's arms snaked around his shoulders. A second later, to Mr. Kitty's disappointment, Pig Pig pulled back, letting his arms fall to his sides. He clutched his elbow again and looked at the ground, trying to hide his burning cheeks. Mr. Kitty could only stare at him dumbfounded for a while.

"There, ok? Happy now?"

"Y-Yeah. Whatever," Mr. Kitty flustered, turning to peer intently around the corner at nothing. The silence that followed was tense. Pig Pig eventually sighed and leaned against the side of the house, shoving his hands in his pockets. It took Mr. Kitty a long time to focus enough to realize that the light in the bathroom was no longer on.

"Shit, she left."

Pig Pig grunted in response. Mr. Kitty decided that the best way to deal with this slew of confusion and new emotions was to get mad. He whipped around to face the brunette.

"You gonna be all emo now, just over that? I didn't rape you, or anything!"

"I know!"

"Well then what the hell's your problem?"

"I liked it! Okay? That's my problem, I liked kissing you!"

Mr. Kitty's face softened to a more neutral expression. "… So, that's a "gay yes"?"

Pig Pig bit his lip and looked away again. "Yeah…"

Mr. Kitty took a last look at Nip's illuminated bedroom window, and turned to walk past Pig Pig.

"Good. 'Cause I liked it, too."


End file.
